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"Kids Table" (credited as Kid at the Adult Table) is a rap parody performed by Paige and Frankie and features background vocals from Amelia, Dirk, and Bernie. It was written by Scott Clausen, Eric Friedman, Kyle Stegina and Josh Lehrman.

Lyrics

NOTE: The second half of the chorus is sung by Paige, Dirk, Amelia and Bernie.

Frankie: Normally at the holidays, I get seated at the kids' table with all the babies.
Amelia: Babies?
Bernie: I'm 13.
Dirk: And I'm at least 13.
Frankie: But this year, the adults asked me to sit at their table. So let's put a napkin on these knees and get all grown up.

At the adult table they're servin' duck confit
You know it's fancy 'cause those words don't make no sense to me
And we got Aunt Millie. Man, her stories are crazy.
She talkin' 'bout her...
New vacuum?

Paige: Kids table We got candy
Like a giant gingerbread school
And we got Santa swingin' nunchuks
(spoken) But sure, your table is cool.

Paige and friends:
Kids table Kids table The place to be
Kids table, kids table Don't you agree?
Kids table, kids table The place to be
Kids table, kids table Giant TV


Frankie: Okay, that was kind of better But not it's a competition
Our table's so high and our forks are real ... forky
Also, there's games and there's even, um, ehhh...
(spoken) Nah, this is terrible


Paige: Kids table got hydraulics.
It was worth the enormous price
Then we wished on a star,
and a snowman came to life

Paige and friends:
Kids table, kids table The place to be
Kids table, kids table Don't you agree?
Kids table, kids table The place to be
Kids table, kids table Her name is Brie.

(Long pause between both tables)

Frankie: Back at the kids table where I belong
I'll have to say sorry right after this song
I'm feelin' so good, man. I did the right thing
And the biggest surprise is this snowman can sing

Snowman/Brie: Ave Maria

Frankie (close to tears): Wow.

Trivia

  • The song was inspired by a Hanukkah party at Bernie Schotz's grandmother's house. Bernie was moved to the adult table in an attempt to keep her boyfriend from flirting with another one of her relatives, and found the adult table wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
  • The video on YouTube currently has over 3.2 Million views due to PewDiePie showing the video on one of his own videos.

Gallery

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To view the Kids Table gallery, click here.

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